It’s no surprise this band are looking for a drummer, is it?

Cover Bands That Shouldn’t Exist: #451

I don’t think there is anything that says “I look like a unfriendly dickhead” more than when there is only one seat left on a bus, right next to you, and people decide they’d prefer to just stand up.

I was on a packed-out bus today. It got to the stage where people actually had to get off to let people on. Two rather large girls then got on. After squeezing themselves into a space big enough for 5 of me, one of the girls stupidly said to the other “why is there no room?!” and continued to moan about it.

I was so tempted to say “because you’re on the fucking bus”.

Whenever the clocks go back an hour, I always spend the first 60 minutes of the morning deciding how I’m going to make the most of the extra time.

I was in a “complicated relationship” once…
I wasn’t allowed within a hundred yards of her.

Dancing through the night,
Dancing til your pants aren’t so tight,
Pulling your tights off,
Waiting for the romance to stop.

A house party isn’t a house party,
If there’s no chairs to sit down,
No glasses to mix your alcohol,
No faces to make you frown.

An “Exclusive-Special-Intimate VIP Party”,
Isn’t really VIP,
If you can buy your gold wristband,
From Camden HMV.

You’re not really friends with someone,
Because you met them waiting outside their gig,
No one cares if you “know their manager”,
You’re still not getting in.

Don’t try and live a champagne lifestyle,
On a measly Lemonade wage,
Because when you can’t afford to buy her a drink,
She’ll look at you in dismay.